Done my back in
Hurts like hell
So soon after Toothgate
I’m miserabelle

Don’t know how it happened
But it sure did
Can’t bend down
Without looking like a flid

Hobbling around
Is so unattractive
Cannee go to the gym
Condemned to being inactive

Gonna get flabby
If I ain’t careful
Gotta stop munching
Feeling annoyed, obese and awful

Can’t wear heels
Without feeling pain
Contemplating getting
A flamin zimmerframe

Must be getting old
Could be osteoporosis
Add it to the list
Of ailments I’m diagnosed with

Alexander Technique
Is sounding a good option
Have my spine stretched out
And maybe put in traction

How long this will last?
I have no bloody clue
But I sure can’t swing from the chandeliers –
I can barely go to the loo

I need an MOT,
A service, an overhaul
Gonna book myself into Kwik Fit
Let them tinker with it all

That should do the trick
They sorted out my car
It’s running like a dream
Now it’s my turn, thank you, Ta!

Maybe it was all that dancing
Wot done it, hmmm, perhaps –
The field was so uneven
And I wasn’t wearing flats!

That’ll learn me, I suppose
Next time I’ll know better
But boogying’s good for the soul
And us midgets feel the pressure

Of not being able to see
Through the person in front’s head
And having to endure
Having stumps instead of legs

So platforms are a must
Whatever the conditions
We suffer for our lack of height
And wear them on every expedition

When I say ‘we’ I mean I
And not in the royal sense
But let’s not get me started on wee
For I just might cause offence…







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