If you should mount a camel
Brace yourself for bumps
It may make you squeal in terror
As it hoists itself up with a jump
Ensure that you lean back
Or you’ll lurch forward arse over tit
There’s a technique to this camel lark
And I’m yet to master it!
Once you’re up
You feel relatively safe
Until it starts moving
And gathers pace
Negotiating the sand dunes
Is no mean feat
It’s fine going up
But coming down your butt flies off the seat
You cling on for dear life
As you bounce like a ping-pong ball
Akin to riding rodeo
Trying desperately not to fall
Grappling with a camel
Is something of an art
They seem so cute and calm
Until they snort and fart
Until they get the hump
And threaten to throw you off
Be very kind to your camel
You’re doomed if you make it cross!
Your palms will sweat
And slip from the handle
Calluses will develop
As you ride this risky ramble
Your biceps will bulge
And your abs will take a beating
Your bum will be raw like a baboon’s arse
And way too sore for seating
Getting off it you’re still in peril
And take your life in your hands
As it’s front legs buckle beneath you
Almost hoying you head first into the sand
You’ll struggle to walk
With wobbly jelly legs
And you’ll be straddling around
Like you’ve been rogered by King Dong and his friends
Your back will seriously ache
But you’ll be eternally thankful to be alive
So hail one of these creatures with caution
As it’s one hell of a white knuckle ride!