If you should mount a camel

Brace yourself for bumps

It may make you squeal in terror

As it hoists itself up with a jump

Ensure that you lean back

Or you’ll lurch forward arse over tit

There’s a technique to this camel lark

And I’m yet to master it!

Once you’re up

You feel relatively safe

Until it starts moving

And gathers pace

Negotiating the sand dunes

Is no mean feat

It’s fine going up

But coming down your butt flies off the seat

You cling on for dear life

As you bounce like a ping-pong ball

Akin to riding rodeo

Trying desperately not to fall

Grappling with a camel

Is something of an art

They seem so cute and calm

Until they snort and fart

Until they get the hump

And threaten to throw you off

Be very kind to your camel

You’re doomed if you make it cross!

Your palms will sweat

And slip from the handle

Calluses will develop

As you ride this risky ramble

Your biceps will bulge

And your abs will take a beating

Your bum will be raw like a baboon’s arse

And way too sore for seating

Getting off it you’re still in peril

And take your life in your hands

As it’s front legs buckle beneath you

Almost hoying you head first into the sand

You’ll struggle to walk

With wobbly jelly legs

And you’ll be straddling around

Like you’ve been rogered by King Dong and his friends

Your back will seriously ache

But you’ll be eternally thankful to be alive

So hail one of these creatures with caution

As it’s one hell of a white knuckle ride!