My ‘tights’ are falling down

I’m indecently exposed

My bum keeps hanging out

Of my baggy pantyhose

Every time I walk

They slither down my legs 

And try as I might to discreetly hoist them up

They plummet to the ground instead

My tights are falling down 

If before I’d left home I’d known

I’d have doubled up on knickers 

To ensure they don’t drop down

Should’ve shopped in M&S 

And maybe they would’ve stayed up

Should’ve hired a crane

Or worn suspenders but no such luck

My tights are falling down

But right now there’s nothing I can do

So if you should see my bum

I sincerely apologise to you.

It’s not because they’re old

Or because the elastic has snapped

It’s because I bought them in Primark

And frankly they are crap

My tights are falling down

Like I said before

They should really be renamed ‘slacks’

Because they’re always on the floor.