Television stations
Need to get with the programme
Now that we’re rationing
And heading for lockdown
Pardon the pun
But they’re so passé
The cheffy shows
Are completely out of date
Ready Steady Cook
Come Dine With Me
Using ingredients
That I haven’t seen
For nearly a week
In any of the shops
But I’m salivating and yearning
As I helplessly watch
For all I’ve got to play with
Is a packet of cream crackers
A strip of barbecue spare ribs
And some sun-dried tomatoes
A few digestives
And soft Brussels Sprouts
Instant noodles
Until I can next leave the house
And Lord knows when that’ll be
For my throat’s a little sore
And I’m about to paint
A red plague cross on my door
I’m quarantined
For the foreseeable
Fast running out of soap
Without any paracetamol
Been trying to stock up
But it’s impossible round here
Thus this is what happens
When people give in to fear
So I’m having to make do
With what I’ve actually got
And fortunately for me
Bog roll WAS in stock!!!
So I can wipe my arse
Until the cows come home
Which means I’ll survive Corona!
As we all KNOW that’s the antidote!
The Holy Grail!
The magic pill!
So who gives a fook?
If I’m getting physically ill?!
I’m invincible!
With Andrex by my side!
Though I’m bracing myself somewhat
For this white knuckle ride…🙏