Television stations

Need to get with the programme

Now that we’re rationing

And heading for lockdown

Pardon the pun

But they’re so passé

The cheffy shows

Are completely out of date

Ready Steady Cook

Come Dine With Me

Using ingredients

That I haven’t seen

For nearly a week

In any of the shops

But I’m salivating and yearning

As I helplessly watch

For all I’ve got to play with

Is a packet of cream crackers

A strip of barbecue spare ribs

And some sun-dried tomatoes

A few digestives

And soft Brussels Sprouts

Instant noodles

Until I can next leave the house

And Lord knows when that’ll be

For my throat’s a little sore

And I’m about to paint

A red plague cross on my door

I’m quarantined

For the foreseeable

Fast running out of soap

Without any paracetamol

Been trying to stock up

But it’s impossible round here

Thus this is what happens

When people give in to fear

So I’m having to make do

With what I’ve actually got

And fortunately for me

Bog roll WAS in stock!!!

So I can wipe my arse

Until the cows come home

Which means I’ll survive Corona!

As we all KNOW that’s the antidote!

The Holy Grail!

The magic pill!

So who gives a fook?

If I’m getting physically ill?!

I’m invincible!

With Andrex by my side!

Though I’m bracing myself somewhat

For this white knuckle ride…🙏