Apathy

I want to fall through the cracks

I want to disappear

I’m clinging on to a fake life raft

That couldn’t care less if I’m here

I just want to let go

Cut the apron strings

But with the economy in the state that its in

This thought anxiety brings

The treadmill that I’m on

Moves in circles relentlessly

I’m doing something I despise

When all I want is to be free

No one gives a monkeys

Inadequate training ensures

That I have dozens of questions to ask

Having to constantly bang on doors

That few actually want to open

Because no one gives a f**k

That the inexperienced are drowning

Tangled up in systems and stumped

And the biggest bug-bear of all

Comes from admitting when I am stuck

To be told to use my common sense

And effectively make it up

Ha, what a joke!

That no one will bat an eye

A mouthpiece has spoke

And confirmed that I won’t die

If I get certain things wrong

(A red flag to a perfectionist)

Just invent it as you go along

It’s really no bloody great risk!?

So pride in my work goes out

The proverbial open window

The one thing that I had left

In that competence I wanted to show

For if nothing really matters

In this imposing joint

I’m left beyond demotivated

And screaming “what’s the point?!”

But as I earlier said

The country’s in a mess

There really is no exit

In spite of my intense distress

Unless I just throw in the towel

And fall beneath the cracks

Slip away, stay in bed all day

For apathy here is not something I lack.

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