The Black Sheep

Christmas looms

After a dismal year

2020 is finally on its way out

Yet still we are being urged to exist in fear

I say ‘exist’

Because this isn’t living

Being imprisoned

Divided at a time when we all should be giving

And uniting

To celebrate

Showing our love

Instead of having to isolate

Instead we can’t socialise

Or travel very far

The economy’s in dire straights

And times are really hard

Conflicting advice

Dubious statistics

Literally reduced to Tiers

And a threatened third lockdown is driving us ballistic

The population is divided

As some conform and some rebel

While others sit somewhere in the middle

And what ensues is akin to hell

Constantly having

To watch what you say

Palpable paranoia

As long standing friends fall out due to the state of play

Snitching and sniping

Grassing each other up

The people police

Standing in judgement – WTF?!

Live and let live

That is my rule

Don’t inflict your morals on anyone else

Unless you’ve walked in their shoes

I’m exasperated with this nightmare

How much longer can it last?

If this virus is so deadly

Why aren’t the streets piled up with corpses, might I ask?

Why aren’t the morgues

Overrun and bursting?

Why aren’t the Nightingale Hospitals

Full instead of deserted?

Why did we have a month

Of the Eat Out To Help Out scheme?

A relaxation of rules in the summer?

Then a descent back into hysteria from Halloween?

It’s utterly bat-shit crazy

It’s either a pandemic or it is not

And don’t get me started on the knee-jerk vaccine!

What a very convenient twist in the plot!

Intended to be jabbed in the arm

Of every human walking the planet

Untried and virtually untested

Funded by Gates and other Silicon Valley magnates

Who are devoid of medical training

Yet who are being pressed for their ‘expertise’

Which consists of stockpiling billions

And smacks of an insatiable desire for power and greed

The rich get richer

As this global ‘emergency’ is beyond lucrative

And the poor get f**ked over once again

As their livelihoods are obliterated

And it’s actually all materialising

In glaringly obvious plain sight

Right before our (closed) eyes (for some)

Are we being plunged into this desperate


The propaganda machine

That perpetuates this terror

Surpassing itself right now

As we comply en masse – a fatal error

Like lambs to the slaughter

Docile and blissfully unaware

Are those who swallow the official narrative

Sleep-walking to their doom – I despair

The dismantling of democracy

A descent into dictatorship

Freedom revoked for the foreseeable

And so many acquiesce with it

So many – but not all – thank the Lord for that!

For every herd a black sheep has

And if enough black sheep form a herd of their own

We can put a stop to this world gone mad

I’m convinced this shall definitely come to pass

For we must carefully watch those that are quiet

The majority may currently be ‘silent’

But in time I predict a riot

And by the grace of God

Sanity will prevail

We’ll win this psychological war

If it means fighting tooth and nail.

Something Changed

Funny how when you’re not looking

Something catches you unawares

Funny how when you’re minding your own business

Intensity strikes from nowhere

Funny how when you click

In the most inappropriate of situations

You find yourself on a precipice

Of unrealistic expectations

Funny how certain vibes

Pierce you to the core

Funny how you’re propelled

Into sensing / wanting more

Funny to have to wrestle

With animal instincts you didn’t invite

That somehow ignited inadvertently

And set your furnace alight

Funny then when there’s a shift

In the energy and the walls come down

When somehow there’s been an abrupt change of heart

And there’s no turning it around

Playing on words

But nothing was said

It was all in the ether

But the fire is now dead

Not sure what extinguished

The flame that had accidentally kindled

But whatever it was has been snuffed out

And the enthusiasm has certainly dwindled

Maybe an invisible line was crossed

But it’s difficult to tell

When dealing with double-entendres

You don’t always detect alarm bells

But now they’ve clearly tolled

And their chimes are deafening

Ringing in my ears

The dawning of sanity begins

It was surely sweet while it lasted

But the plug has definitely been pulled

The fluffy pink cloud has dissipated

And the amber embers have cooled

Have I been strung along?

Or are there too many strings?

A chord was struck but now it jars

With my illusion of greater things

Not sure how to proceed

It takes two to Tango, not one

I’ve got a decision to make

And a lot of thinking to do…

Flight Of The Long-Held Pee!

After holding in a wee

Whilst talking on the phone

I then legged it to the loo

But being accident prone

I didn’t quite perfect my landing

As I was so desperate for relief

So I kinda skidded then slid

Against the toilet seat

I heard a loud ominous crack

Then the whole thing kinda whizzed

Into the air and basically took flight

With my butt still on the lid!

Through the atmosphere

Legs completely akimbo!


Suspended in a limbo!

Hanging by the seat and my pants

Up towards my bathroom ceiling

Skyward-bound then plummeting down

I found my sorry self reeling

Powerless to actually get off

Had to wait for the darn thing to crash

Didn’t have a parachute

So landed on my naked ass

In a heap

On the tiles

With a massive thud

Having travelled miles

I was so


I didn’t realise

I’d urinated



Except in the loo

What a flaming nightmare!

I stared at the open can

In utter disbelief

The shattered and completely detached

Beyond repair toilet seat

The only silver lining

I could salvage from my mind

Was the fact that my violent docking

Was cushioned by my generous behind

Without that bulging booty

I’d have been in dire straits

I could easily have broken something

But fortunately that wasn’t my fate

The moral of this story

Is go when you need to go

Don’t hold it in until you’re bursting

Because you’re talking on the phone.

The Sequel

The Sequel

Lockdown 2

Here we come

Be terrified!

The government bangs its drum

The second wave is upon us

Everything must close

Halloween, Bonfire night,

Christmas (potentially) up in smoke!

The furloughed ‘saved’

At least until March

But what of the self-employed?

How will they fare? Will they starve?

Did you celebrate?

Your last night of ‘freedom’?

Are you embracing this ‘new normal’?

Or are you waking up to this treason?

For that’s what it boils down to

When freedom of speech is muzzled

When mixing is prohibited

And our vulnerable cannot be cuddled

When you can be slapped with a £200 fine

For failing to comply

When you’re expected to remain inside

Isolated as life passes you by

When your ‘bubble’ becomes a cage

As you suffocate within

When you sense a simmering rage

As palpable fear sets in – again

When the streets are deserted

Yet the atmosphere is tight

Because everyone’s cowering from each other

As we’re all ‘deadly’ – it isn’t right!

Nothing about this is ‘normal’

It’s oppressive and dark

It’s not about ‘health’ it’s about control

The virus is a f***ing facade!

To make us dependent

On the state

To crash the economy

Community and family obliterate

To drive us apart

Get us at each other’s throats

Silencing any dissenters

As we acquiesce – it’s a joke

And those who rose up

Who gathered in peaceful defiance

Were forcibly disbanded

Arrested, exposed to violence

But did this make the news?

No coverage at all!

Even tonight’s London protest

Buried under a wall

A blackout because it jarred

With the official narrative

That lockdowns are our ‘saviour’

But this bullsh*t is no way to live

I don’t believe this virus

Is as lethal as they say

But it’s certainly killing democracy

And bringing about doomsday

Call it conspiracy theory

Call me raving mad

I couldn’t give a monkey’s

Because this insanity is making me sad

If you think washing your hands

Incessantly will keep you safe

If you think wearing a mask

Over one half of your face

Is protection enough

For what is to come

Then remain in your slumber

And sweet dreams, hun!

For sh*t is getting real

This is but the beginning

The Winter Of Discontent

A test of endurance most chilling

Survival of the fittest

Do I predict

Stomach churning but true

A depressing edict

So hibernate if you will

Or get out there and fight

Stand shoulder to shoulder

And show them your might!

Intimacy Armageddon

The digital age

At first glance seems clever

All this technology

Designed to keep us ‘together’

To keep us ‘connected’

Wherever we are

But if I’m totally honest

I think it’s a farce

For it enables us

To be lazy in our communication

Removing any necessity

To be physically present

When you can just send a text

With the tap of a few keys

Or email someone

You are relieved

Of any obligation

To make anything resembling an effort

To make an actual connection

Thus human contact is virtually severed

You certainly know your ‘worth’

When no one picks up the phone

When instead they record a memo

That you inevitably listen to alone

No option for conversation

A two-way thing

That involves interaction

And true dialoging

No eye contact either

No handshake

It’s akin to a bereavement

And my weary heart breaks

No hope of ascertaining

Someone’s warmth of tone

Or of reading their expression

And regarding the state of their soul

And so we avoid each other

Like the proverbial plague

As we succumb to greater reliance

On the digital age

This divide and rule plan

Seems to be working

Too many of us regrettably

Interaction are shirking

Afraid to venture out

Afraid to friendship kindle

Regarding those outside of our bubbles

As lepers with whom we shouldn’t mingle

And so people are losing

Their zest and will to live

It’s a sorry state of affairs

That it has come to this

We may as well be in a prison cell

With a smartphone as a mate

Oblivious to the bars which confine us

And the locked bolt across the gate

As long as we get ‘likes’

And the odd red heart emoji

As long as our phone bleeps sometimes

Surely we will never be lonely

As long as we have WiFi

And our reception is strong

Let us worship at the alter of technology

And to hell with what is wrong

Are we but islands?

On a sea of division?

Does the current to the ocean

Not flow from a river?

Does the river not form

From a tiny mountain spring?

That swelled from the raindrops

Collected therein?

That fell from the sky

When the clouds burst at the seams?

Don’t you see how we all are connected

Like the water in the streams?

It’s doesn’t do to be separate

Or we’ll dissipate and die

Whereas together we are strong

And can rise like the tide

Civilisation is being deconstructed

Machines are taking over

Our lives are moving increasing online

Fellowship rarer than a four leaf clover

Our prospects don’t look good

If we allow this decline to go on

It’s as if we’re facing a form of extinction

An intimacy Armageddon.

Be There

In these strange

Unprecedented times

Spare a thought

For those who find

Themselves isolated

For days on end

Not having any physical interaction

Completely cut off from friends

With society practically closed

And many working from home

Or others furloughed, unemployed

Spending too much time alone

Do check in

Don’t leave them to rot

Consider visiting

So they know they’re not forgot

And if you do make plans

At least see them through

Don’t let someone down

Whose relying on you

You might just be

The highlight of their week

You may be the only other human

That they actually see

Physical contact is vital

Having company means so much

So keep your appointments where possible

Don’t deprive another of that stuff

Suicide rates

Are sky-high right now

People are lonely

But perhaps ashamed to reach out

Even the strong ones

Without diagnosed conditions

Are battling right now

With these f**king restrictions

So if someone goes quiet

Give them a shout

If they’ve suddenly gone AWOL

At least check them out!

I’m not saying it’s your job

To save someone’s life

But a sense of community

Would really be nice

We were meant to live in tribes

And take care of each other

Not exist in segregation

Terrified of our sisters and brothers

It’s so messed up

What is happening right now

The real killer isn’t COVID

If you were in any doubt

It’s depression, Alcoholism

Addiction and neglect

So please be a bit selfless

And you might just resurrect

Someone from their pit

Of despair

Just by, from time to time

Simply being there.


Heightened hormones aren’t funny

I’ve mentioned this before

When your moods are unpredictable

And rationality is no more

When you feel like you’ve been peeled

And you’re literally exposed and raw

When you veer from hyper to a sobbing wreck

Or throw tantrums not knowing what for

When all you want to do

Is snuggle up, cocooned in your bed

And cry yourself to sleep

Or gorge on chocolate and junk instead

When no matter what you do

You simply feel depressed

When you’re beyond tired and weary

And can’t be arsed to get dressed

When you’re swollen and puffy and sore

And can’t bare to look in the mirror

When your skin feels greasy and pimples sprout

And you swear last week you were thinner

When the cramps begin to start

And it feels like you’re going into labour

When the hot flushes cause you to weep with perspiration

And you crave the weirdest of flavours

I recommend

You batten down the hatches

Interact with no one

Thus averting disasters

For not a soul is safe

When you’re in this state

On the shortest of fuses

Bloated, full of hate

Do the world a favour

And stay inside!

Until sanity returns

And your boobs are back to their normal size!

It may sound shocking

But it’s for the best

Because every month it’s like the mark of the Beast

Is inscribed upon my head

I know not what I’m possessed by

But it’s demonic and scary to see

A virtual life sentence ‘til I hit menopause

This b**tard they call P.M.T.


I want to fall through the cracks

I want to disappear

I’m clinging on to a fake life raft

That couldn’t care less if I’m here

I just want to let go

Cut the apron strings

But with the economy in the state that its in

This thought anxiety brings

The treadmill that I’m on

Moves in circles relentlessly

I’m doing something I despise

When all I want is to be free

No one gives a monkeys

Inadequate training ensures

That I have dozens of questions to ask

Having to constantly bang on doors

That few actually want to open

Because no one gives a f**k

That the inexperienced are drowning

Tangled up in systems and stumped

And the biggest bug-bear of all

Comes from admitting when I am stuck

To be told to use my common sense

And effectively make it up

Ha, what a joke!

That no one will bat an eye

A mouthpiece has spoke

And confirmed that I won’t die

If I get certain things wrong

(A red flag to a perfectionist)

Just invent it as you go along

It’s really no bloody great risk!?

So pride in my work goes out

The proverbial open window

The one thing that I had left

In that competence I wanted to show

For if nothing really matters

In this imposing joint

I’m left beyond demotivated

And screaming “what’s the point?!”

But as I earlier said

The country’s in a mess

There really is no exit

In spite of my intense distress

Unless I just throw in the towel

And fall beneath the cracks

Slip away, stay in bed all day

For apathy here is not something I lack.


Mind how you treat others

Measure the things you say

Watch your tone of voice

Especially when far away

Don’t bark down the phone

Don’t hang up in a fury

Don’t take out your stress

On another, it’s unsavoury

Try at all times to be nice

You don’t know what someone’s going through

You don’t know what kind of day they’re having

Unless you walk in their shoes

And don’t kick them when they’re down

Or tell them they’re being sensitive

Something small to you could be big to them

For problems are all relative

Listen when someone’s upset

Offer comfort don’t shut them up

One day it could be you

Who’s crying, in need of love

If you haven’t got the time

Don’t pick up the phone

Sometimes people just need an ear

To feel not so alone

So if you lack the patience

Or empathy is in short supply

Perhaps sit this one out

Lest you inadvertently antagonise

For you never know how close to the edge

Someone teeters before they crack

Don’t be the match in the gunpowder barrel

You strike with your attack

Think before you speak!

Don’t do anything rash

For once deeds and words are out in the ether

No more can you take them back.